No One is Irish on St. Patrick's Day
(Except some people in Ireland)
In his novel Cat’s Cradle, Kurt Vonnegut introduces the concept of a granfalloon: “a proud and meaningless collection of human beings,” or more precisely, a group of people who believe they share an identity or purpose, but who actually do not. As examples, Vonnegut cites "the Communist Party, the Daughters of the American Revolution, the General Electric Company—and any nation, anytime, anywhere.”
St. Patrick’s Day in America qualifies as the ultimate Granfalloon Festival. Each year on March 17, millions of people don green neckties, caps, suspenders and handkerchiefs (except in Florida, where a sizeable portion of the male population is already wearing green pants), most without the slightest clue about what the symbol means. Everyone, we believe, is Irish on St. Patrick’s Day, and everyone is entitled to drink until they pass out.
In Ireland, the holiday holds great religious and cultural significance, as it commemorates the arrival of Christianity in the country and celebrates the traditional death date of Ireland’s patron saint. While observant citizens attend church, there’s also no shortage of drinking. Historically, the Lenten restrictions on consuming alcohol were lifted for the day, which has encouraged and propagated the holiday's tradition of mass consumption.
I suspect few Americans realize what “the wearing of the green” really signifies. The Irish Rebellion of 1798 was organized as a revolt against the authority of the British Crown, and the bloody struggle was unsuccessful. The revolutionary Society of United Irishmen adopted green as its color, and supporters wore green-garments and accessories. Although the Irish Free State was ultimately established in the 1920s, an estimated 30,000 peasants were slaughtered in the 1798 uprising.
Our choices of food and beverage on St. Patrick’s Day are even more curious. The preferred quaff is green beer, typically a light beer tinted with synthetic food dye (Green Dye #3, aka Fast Green FCF, FD&C Green #3, or Food Green 3). Green Dye is permitted as a food additive in the U.S. by the FDA but is outlawed in the European Union. While it’s unlikely that the average person could consume enough green beer to inflict serious damage, the dye can cause immune responses in sensitive individuals such as hives, skin rashes, respiratory trouble, nausea and vomiting, headaches and abdominal pain. Regardless, the real question is how much synthetic food dye do you want to consume?
Even more ridiculous is the tradition of corned beef and cabbage, which you’re not likely to find in Ireland. According to Martha Stewart (and who’s going to argue with her?), typical St. Patrick’s dishes consist of bacon, cabbage and potatoes; leg of lamb; shepherd’s pie; colcannon (buttered mashed potatoes with cabbage), or slow-cooked beef stews. The real irony is that Ireland has one of the most sophisticated food cultures in Europe, with a generation of young chefs passionately focused on local and carefully sourced meat, seafood and produce. The popular buzz word is traceability: knowing exactly where your ingredients come from and how they are raised.
Real Irish people of my acquaintance would likely be amused at the thought that non-Irish Americans yearn to be like them, if only for a day. Historian Liam Kennedy coined the acronym MOPE, or Most Oppressed People Ever, to describe the Irish feeling of victimhood. If you look at the long historical record, they probably deserve the term. Whether or not it stems from a feeling of victimhood, the Irish are famous for their sarcasm and black humor.
None of this will probably stop you from masquerading as a fake Irish man or woman on March 17. Who will you pretend to be after that?
